so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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