PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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