honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
