Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
