Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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