As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
