bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
