there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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