there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
