I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
