I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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