You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
