Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
