I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
