he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
