I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
