the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have feelings that need drinking.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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