So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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