Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
