That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
