I'm jealous of your bromance
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
