before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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