you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
