i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
