i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
