after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
