did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
as a side note pls kill me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
