matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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