I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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