Need sex. Gaining weight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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