i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
