I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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