I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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