I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoShamevember. You game?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think people are normalizing furries
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize