forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
