mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize