Are we in a gay sports bar?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
