If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
