Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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