He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
