Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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