shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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