I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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