Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
