You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
