I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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