Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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