hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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