did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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