I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
