when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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