I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
