holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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