she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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