I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
