Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
