I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
