youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
