Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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