Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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