your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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