1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
