i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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