my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
