Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
