I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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