Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We need to get me chipped asap
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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