i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
