3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
