I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
