I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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