umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
