Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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