the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize